ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
