Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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