I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
