when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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