I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
