I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
