Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
