I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
