I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i can't believe i had my finger in that
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
