i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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