After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just had sex on a roof
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
