Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
