'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
