I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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