There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
