when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
