Banned from zoo.
Again?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
