Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
