Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
