Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize