party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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