You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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