Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
