Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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