does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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