my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
