I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
