She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
