WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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