i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Randomize
