I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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