Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
