Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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