I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
