My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
