hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
