i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
