god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
