Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
