he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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