got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
