you didnt know i had herpes?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
