I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
