sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
This toilet bowl is my home.
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