it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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