the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My Higher Power is John Stamos
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
