I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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