Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
