I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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