Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
