low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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