my vag is so smooth its legendary
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
