He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
