i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
